The primary goal I set for myself a few months ago, the "thing" or "point" toward which to strive as I contend with my current array of upheavals, was this: To get out of my own way.

To get out of my own way. It lacks specificity and shape, but it encapsulates what I most want in life. To move and to act according to my own sense of what I should do, without hobbling or discouraging myself. I have experienced this before. Over the last several years I have gradually draped myself with threads spun from guilt and apology, self-abnegation. It happened slowly, one strand at a time, but it all accumulated to the point where I couldn't move or speak without tripping or getting tangled up in it. It gets everywhere: in my eyes and sinuses, around my shins and wrists, into my throat and heart. It mats my hair and dulls my skin. It hangs from my elbows like Spanish moss.

A secondary goal, not quite as amorphous, has become legible in the little window at the bottom of my Magic 8-Ball: Say "yes."

Saying "yes" is like cutting and brushing away the cobwebs. It lets me see out, go out, orient my trajectory toward out.

Trouble...

May. 11th, 2014 11:05 am
arguchik: (frustration)
Having trouble getting started today.

There are several things that I want and need to do:

  1. Sort, organize, and otherwise Deal With all of the papers I have stacked here and there.

  2. Do my laundry.

  3. Clean my room (vacuum, etc.)

  4. Bring a semblance of order to the downstairs library/office/sitting room.

  5. Grade and comment on (brief comments only!) a set of assignments for my Discovery Core class.

  6. Go get my mail and a couple of grocery items (same trip--involves a quick-ish walk

  7. "Cook and eat dinner.

  8. Read for class tomorrow.

Hey, look at that. I made a real to-do list! The items are not arranged in order of urgency. Is that a problem? I'm not sure how hard/easy it would be to prioritize...

Notice what is not on the list: watching Friday's episode of Grimm. Whoa. Did I just come up a possible thing to use as a reward for accomplishing the items on my to-do list?

Seriously, did I? I am not being facetious. I have never quite figured out how to do to-do lists. I wonder if this will really make today go better than I thought...

ETA: I just added a new item to the plan: I am going to come back here and cross each item off the list as I complete it .

ETA2: I am about to take care of #8. #5 I will do in the morning. #4 will have to wait until later this week. Not bad!

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arguchik

July 2014

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