The primary goal I set for myself a few months ago, the "thing" or "point" toward which to strive as I contend with my current array of upheavals, was this: To get out of my own way.

To get out of my own way. It lacks specificity and shape, but it encapsulates what I most want in life. To move and to act according to my own sense of what I should do, without hobbling or discouraging myself. I have experienced this before. Over the last several years I have gradually draped myself with threads spun from guilt and apology, self-abnegation. It happened slowly, one strand at a time, but it all accumulated to the point where I couldn't move or speak without tripping or getting tangled up in it. It gets everywhere: in my eyes and sinuses, around my shins and wrists, into my throat and heart. It mats my hair and dulls my skin. It hangs from my elbows like Spanish moss.

A secondary goal, not quite as amorphous, has become legible in the little window at the bottom of my Magic 8-Ball: Say "yes."

Saying "yes" is like cutting and brushing away the cobwebs. It lets me see out, go out, orient my trajectory toward out.

running log

Apr. 7th, 2007 11:09 am
arguchik: (cool spock)
ran 4 miles this morning, so i'm finishing this week at 18 miles! the current high water mark. next week i'm only planning to run 17 miles. this week was a little bit of a fluke, because i ran last weekend's 4 miler on sunday rather than saturday, so it ended up in this week's total rather than last week's.

i think i'll run a couple of weeks at 17 miles and see how it goes. if everything feels good, i'll spend 3 weeks increasing to 20 miles (so i'll be running 4 miles per day, 5 days per week). i'll probably stay there for 2 or 3 weeks, and then start increasing so that i'm doing my longest run on saturdays, and my second longest run on wednesdays.
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Nov. 14th, 2006 08:12 am
arguchik: (Default)
running log )
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Nov. 13th, 2006 08:41 am
arguchik: (my face)
running log )

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