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wow.
20 years melts away like nothing.
doing my housework, radio on in the background tuned to npr. they're playing a prairie home companion, which i usually turn off because i can't fucking stand garrison keillor, but i'm too busy to bother with it.
suddenly their special guest, renee fleming, comes on and sings the ave maria. and i freeze. 20 years ago almost to the day--it will be 20 years on monday--was my sister's funeral mass. my mom's friend lorraine hardebeck (also an operatically trained soprano) sang the ave maria that day, and it remains one of the most memorable moments, for me (it was also the first time i ever heard that piece sung well). lorraine was no renee fleming, of course, but she was a professional musician (as was my mom--they went to high school together, for crying out loud), and her unamplified voice filled the place and made a bunch of people cry. so of course renee's rendition makes me cry today. makes me think about my sister and how much life she missed (she was only 29), but also my mom and dad, how completely demolished they were by my sister's death, and what they're going through now, facing the end of their own lives.
christ. from nowhere. one minute i'm struggling to organize a stack of books, minding my own business and thinking about everything *but* my sister, and the next i'm on the floor bawling as though her funeral were the day after tomorrow.
weird to think that she'd be pushing 50 now, if she had lived. and i'm sure she'd have no sympathy for me, pushing 39...
20 years melts away like nothing.
doing my housework, radio on in the background tuned to npr. they're playing a prairie home companion, which i usually turn off because i can't fucking stand garrison keillor, but i'm too busy to bother with it.
suddenly their special guest, renee fleming, comes on and sings the ave maria. and i freeze. 20 years ago almost to the day--it will be 20 years on monday--was my sister's funeral mass. my mom's friend lorraine hardebeck (also an operatically trained soprano) sang the ave maria that day, and it remains one of the most memorable moments, for me (it was also the first time i ever heard that piece sung well). lorraine was no renee fleming, of course, but she was a professional musician (as was my mom--they went to high school together, for crying out loud), and her unamplified voice filled the place and made a bunch of people cry. so of course renee's rendition makes me cry today. makes me think about my sister and how much life she missed (she was only 29), but also my mom and dad, how completely demolished they were by my sister's death, and what they're going through now, facing the end of their own lives.
christ. from nowhere. one minute i'm struggling to organize a stack of books, minding my own business and thinking about everything *but* my sister, and the next i'm on the floor bawling as though her funeral were the day after tomorrow.
weird to think that she'd be pushing 50 now, if she had lived. and i'm sure she'd have no sympathy for me, pushing 39...