arguchik | running log (Reply)

i ran 3 miles this morning, which puts me at 6 for the week (forgot to post the 3 miles from yesterday). it felt fantastic! i've noticed 3 major changes (so far) that i can attribute directly to running: 1. i feel healthier, physically. stronger and more resilient, especially my lungs and my legs. 2. i feel less stressed and more sure of myself, both in my running and in other areas of my life. i had a really difficult conversation on friday, and while i worried about it quite a bit over the weekend, and talked a couple of peoples' ears off about it, i didn't feel nearly as stressed about it as i would have if i'd had that conversation in december. i didn't spin my wheels nearly as long as i have about similar situations in the past. after my run yesterday, the path forward was just...clear. no lingering questions about what i should do or how i should proceed. 3. my ability to concentrate on things has improved. more blood flow to the brain, maybe? higher oxygen intake? the older i get, the more wisdom i see in yoga's focus on breath. being able to breathe deeply and without restriction is so........there isn't a word, really. is there? is there a word that means empowering, relaxing, centering, energizing, and good, all at once? perhaps "vivifying." hmm. i've never thought about this before, but the name "vivian" contains the same root as "vivify" or "(in) vivo." interesting. i had a great aunt named vivian--my maternal grandfather's sister. she was alive alright. a spitfire of a woman who lived into her late 90's. when she was 20 or 21, she got married, pregnant, and widowed (before giving birth) all in the same year. her husband had taken a rabid dog out to a remote field to shoot it (this was long before a veterinarian would euthanize a mortally sick animal with an injection). the shotgun shot didn't kill it, and it lunged at him, so he turned the gun around and tried to fend off the dog, apparently not realizing that he had only fired one barrel of the gun; the other barrel went off and shot him in the gut, and he bled to death. aunt vivian never remarried. instead, she and her sister, corinne, moved in together and raised her son farrell. corinne never married either--she got her heart broken by a rich guy who never had any intention of marrying her (she had neither money nor a good pedigree), and she apparently wanted nothing further to do with men, after that.

"vivifying" indeed. (i wonder why i've been telling so many old family stories lately?)

tomorrow morning i have my first follow-up CT scan to make sure no appendiceal tumor cells have started to spread in my abdominal cavity. wish me luck. i'll know the results of the scan before the morning is out--i go to radiology at 8:30, and i have an appointment with dr. mann at 10. he always keeps me waiting, so i probably won't get out of there until noon or so.