god, thank you, and yes...so fucking hard. complicating the whole thing is that i had *such* a hard time with my parents growing up--way too long and personal of a story to write about here (i have written about and alluded to some of it in earlier posts). there's this whole long process of letting go, and it's sinking in right now that...that process has started, for real. ready or not, here it comes.
my dad is doing worse than my mom. he's actually having TIA's. he doesn't seem to know that, or isn't accepting it, i'm not sure which. he says the mri and ct scans of his brain were "clear." what he means by that is that they didn't find evidence of concussion--he has had 2-3 episodes now, in which he has blacked out and fallen down, conking his head. a year and a half ago it was a *bad* one, and until june, when i was there taking care of my mom, we thought his memory and cognitive problems were post-concussion syndrome. not so...he had all the scans and stuff done in july, so we know what's going on with him. he thinks he suffered another concussion in march or april, because he blacked out in church and hit his head on the hard wooden pew.
my siblings and i are reasonably close, i guess. we talk and get along, anyway, but i don't see them all that often because they're in michigan and i'm here. that adds another complication to *my* situation--being isolated from all of them while dealing with this whole thing. they have it in their faces more than i do, but they also have each other to talk to more often. my two sisters started saying a year ago that we were going to have to start thinking about moving m&d out of their house. my brother and i had reservations about that. this summer we all found ourselves coming to the same conclusion: they will have to move sometime soon, but for now they are very functional in their everyday lives (mainly because my mom keeps my dad on track--he really fell apart when she had her back surgery).
they *do* have a living will. i believe that any/all of my siblings and myself are authorized to make decisions in the event that both of them are no longer able to. they are devout catholics, so their decisions regarding feeding tubes and DNR orders are kind of determined by that. however, they also watched my sister die of meningitis in a state with no brain death law, so they *get* (or they got it then, anyway) that sometimes you have to stop medical treatment when things are hopeless. the thing we're having trouble with right now is that my dad is *extremely* resistant to the suggestion of moving out of their house. if it gets to the point where we have to move them against his will, we're going to have a huge fight on our hands, and the move might just kill him. awful...
so you said that vascular dementia has a predictiable course. do you know where i can get good information about that? i found the alzheimer's association when i was in michigan last june, and got a bunch of info from them, but alzheimer's disease is a different thing altogether, so i'd imagine its progression is different too.
thanks again for writing. your insights are very, very helpful.
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Date: 2005-10-04 05:11 pm (UTC)my dad is doing worse than my mom. he's actually having TIA's. he doesn't seem to know that, or isn't accepting it, i'm not sure which. he says the mri and ct scans of his brain were "clear." what he means by that is that they didn't find evidence of concussion--he has had 2-3 episodes now, in which he has blacked out and fallen down, conking his head. a year and a half ago it was a *bad* one, and until june, when i was there taking care of my mom, we thought his memory and cognitive problems were post-concussion syndrome. not so...he had all the scans and stuff done in july, so we know what's going on with him. he thinks he suffered another concussion in march or april, because he blacked out in church and hit his head on the hard wooden pew.
my siblings and i are reasonably close, i guess. we talk and get along, anyway, but i don't see them all that often because they're in michigan and i'm here. that adds another complication to *my* situation--being isolated from all of them while dealing with this whole thing. they have it in their faces more than i do, but they also have each other to talk to more often. my two sisters started saying a year ago that we were going to have to start thinking about moving m&d out of their house. my brother and i had reservations about that. this summer we all found ourselves coming to the same conclusion: they will have to move sometime soon, but for now they are very functional in their everyday lives (mainly because my mom keeps my dad on track--he really fell apart when she had her back surgery).
they *do* have a living will. i believe that any/all of my siblings and myself are authorized to make decisions in the event that both of them are no longer able to. they are devout catholics, so their decisions regarding feeding tubes and DNR orders are kind of determined by that. however, they also watched my sister die of meningitis in a state with no brain death law, so they *get* (or they got it then, anyway) that sometimes you have to stop medical treatment when things are hopeless. the thing we're having trouble with right now is that my dad is *extremely* resistant to the suggestion of moving out of their house. if it gets to the point where we have to move them against his will, we're going to have a huge fight on our hands, and the move might just kill him. awful...
so you said that vascular dementia has a predictiable course. do you know where i can get good information about that? i found the alzheimer's association when i was in michigan last june, and got a bunch of info from them, but alzheimer's disease is a different thing altogether, so i'd imagine its progression is different too.
thanks again for writing. your insights are very, very helpful.