we tried to talk to him about going to look at assisted living facilities, etc. but he completely shut that idea down, and started acting toward all of us with a lot of suspicion until we finally reassured him that we had dropped it (for now). while i was staying there, though, he was always nervous about me "watching" him, saying things like "now that's going to get me into trouble," if he forgot something or did something weird, etc.
one thing that's really tough for me, about losing them in this particular way, is that "the people i remember" as my parents......weren't the greatest parents in the world. but they *were* parents. a few years ago, while going through my divorce, i let go of *most* of the anger and hurt that i felt toward them, for not being the parents i needed them to be. but i sort of consoled myself with the idea that i could have a relationship with them *now*, based on who they actually are (or were, 5 years ago). it might not look like what i *wished* my relationship with my parents had been, but it would be *some* kind of meaningful relationship with my parents. for awhile that worked--i actually started enjoying them quite a bit. but that only lasted 3 years or so, and now i'm having to let that go as well. not entirely--of course, as long as they are alive, i can have a relationship with them. but it can't be an adult-adult relationship now. i can't expect the things from them that i would expect from other adults. my relationship to them now will be more like their long-distance caretaker. that weird person who calls them on the phone and quizzes them about their lives every so often.
thanks for the virtual hugs. i actually felt them. :-)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-04 11:52 pm (UTC)one thing that's really tough for me, about losing them in this particular way, is that "the people i remember" as my parents......weren't the greatest parents in the world. but they *were* parents. a few years ago, while going through my divorce, i let go of *most* of the anger and hurt that i felt toward them, for not being the parents i needed them to be. but i sort of consoled myself with the idea that i could have a relationship with them *now*, based on who they actually are (or were, 5 years ago). it might not look like what i *wished* my relationship with my parents had been, but it would be *some* kind of meaningful relationship with my parents. for awhile that worked--i actually started enjoying them quite a bit. but that only lasted 3 years or so, and now i'm having to let that go as well. not entirely--of course, as long as they are alive, i can have a relationship with them. but it can't be an adult-adult relationship now. i can't expect the things from them that i would expect from other adults. my relationship to them now will be more like their long-distance caretaker. that weird person who calls them on the phone and quizzes them about their lives every so often.
thanks for the virtual hugs. i actually felt them. :-)