rambling thoughts

[arguchik]

i haven't been posting much lately. the holidays were really busy, and my first week back at school was too. yesterday i got offered a job i had interviewed for earlier in the week, which means this quarter is going to be even crazier than normal because i'll have *two* jobs. it's good, though...i really can't count on ever getting funding from my department again, and while i plan to apply for teaching gigs in other departments and possibly also through the community college system, this job will be a bit more secure, which means i won't have to scramble for something every quarter. that is good news. i'm also pretty excited about it--the work i'll be doing. not sure if i'm supposed to be specific about it yet, in a public place like this (lol--because soooo many people read my blog), but i'll give details once i know they've notified the other candidates that someone else has been hired.

teaching is going well so far. i am teaching the second half of a two-quarter course sequence. a couple of unexpected things have happened, and they had me worried at first, but things evened out at the end of the week. on the first day of school, 5 people (out of 15) missed my class. my class roster has since shrunk to 12 students (a really, really nice number for a writing class), but 3 of those students didn't come to class until day 3 of the quarter. yeah...they are way behind. i reminded the class yesterday that i keep track of attendance (this is required by the program i'm teaching for--we have to report on stuff like attendance at midterm and after final grades), and they were visibly surprised. i guess they didn't realize that. so one unexpected thing that has happened is that this group of students is intent on challenging all of the policies outlined in my syllabus. the attendance thing is one example. here's another: on the first day, i gave a short writing assignment due the second day, and 2 students tried to email me their assignments (i don't accept emailed assignments because i don't have good access to a printer). another unexpected thing...my students are clumping together into cliques, based on the section they were in for the first quarter of this course sequence. it looks like i have 3 cliques: 4 of my current students were in my class last quarter, and they all sit together; and then there's a group of 5 and a group of 3. yesterday in class, i sat us all in a circle and addressed the issue directly. i said, "i've noticed this trend, so i want to try sitting in a circle for awhile to see if we can get some cross-talk going." they all laughed, and it seemed to break the ice. i think i'm also going to try to mix them up a bit, for their peer review groups. in retrospect, it's pretty obvious that they would group together along these lines, but i wasn't expecting it; this is the first time i've taught this class, so i simply haven't seen this happen before. usually i get a completely new crew of students every quarter.

and finally...for some reason, i've been having this weird sensation of impending global doom lately. it's weird, because i have also been feeling really happy with my life. my dissertation work isn't going the greatest, but i can *see* productivity from here, which has me feeling optimistic about it. a relatively new friendship has taken a very interesting turn, which i like (you know who you are). and i'm actually quite excited about having two jobs this quarter. i think it will force me to be better about managing my time than i have been--i frittered away a *lot* of time last summer, and even last quarter, and i simply won't be able to get away with that this quarter. i *know* how to manage my time, it's just not my natural inclination. i prefer to have unstructured days that go in unexpected directions (though...more often than not, the direction they go is *not* unexpected, it's down the drain...so i really need to revise this mode of existence). it's funny, but i think i might be surprised at how much more i get done, despite being busier. so anyway, despite feeling optimistic and happy, i have this nagging feeling that big, bad things are going to happen. things that are bigger than me, bigger than my life. i can't explain it, except to say that so many of the world's systems seem to be teetering. so many things are fucked up, and the fucked up-ness is becoming more and more unignorable, unavoidable. it (the fucked up-ness) is gathering energy, weight, while the foundation that keeps things stable is slowly eroding (or not so slowly, lately). sooner or later potential energy will convert to kinetic energy, and we will find ourselves living in a very different place. or dead. (insert sunshine, flowers, and a rainbow here...pessimism counteractive measures...but i don't feel pessimistic about it, really, just...restless.)

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

What prey tell is a LJ account? I meant to tell you (can't believe I'm doing this) that I actually have a blog too. I've had it for SIX years. Nobody I know knows about it, except Jon and he's forbidden to look at it. For a long time it was kept private with the exception of a certain list of people. I've opened it up so you can look if you want. You can find it here: http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=C100284. Or if that fails, It's opendiary.com and my diary name is Misguided Angel

[costco77.livejournal.com]

This feeling of impending doom? It's called peak oil.