arguchik | hard lessons

one of the hardest lessons i learned during my divorce: be nice to yourself. that doesn't mean being soft on yourself (myself), it simply means...be fair, kind, understanding, just, and true. you know, nice. a corollary: listen to yourself. really listen, and take the time to hear and to consider, to balance desire, feeling, thought, knowledge, ideas, etc. and finally, make sure you're not substituting someone else's judgment or priorities for your own--a temptation, because sometimes it's easier, makes fewer waves, avoids unpleasant confrontations.

that probably sounds really new-agey. it makes me want to crack a joke to dissipate any lingering hokeyness, but i'm just going to leave it at that.

like i said, it was a hard lesson. i shed a lot of tears during the learning process. i've found that hard lessons are best learned under threat or duress. i've also found that they most need reinforcement under more normal circumstances, when you're relatively comfortable and thus have a few things to lose. i think the most difficult thing is simply accepting whatever consequences come about, and trusting yourself to navigate any difficulties.