I've felt this way before when I've looked at my CV, mourning what I imagined were missed opportunities and "wasted" time.
Then one time I had a friend (now ex-friend) ridicule me for my CV. I was teaching composition then, and she said that I had a puffed up ego for being proud of teaching a class that no one cared about and that most intelligent undergraduates test out of. (Clearly, this person was clueless about how our institution works or about the importance of teaching college-level, critical writing versus high school writing.) And I realized that when I emphasize my CV as something that reflects my worth, she is the kind of person I'm being. And that's a very nasty, disgusting thing to emulate.
Also...isn't it nice to see things you did over the years as steps in growing more confident, more accomplished, more knowledgeable? Not everyone works in the same way or at the same pace. Each item you list took a hell of a lot of work and speaks to your success. Don't let the comparison game take that away from you. Good scholars build on their knowledge by putting one foot in front of the other (or turning/writing one page after the other!) for a long, long time. And you've already started that journey and have something to show for it! That's exciting!
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Date: 2007-01-25 01:18 am (UTC)Then one time I had a friend (now ex-friend) ridicule me for my CV. I was teaching composition then, and she said that I had a puffed up ego for being proud of teaching a class that no one cared about and that most intelligent undergraduates test out of. (Clearly, this person was clueless about how our institution works or about the importance of teaching college-level, critical writing versus high school writing.) And I realized that when I emphasize my CV as something that reflects my worth, she is the kind of person I'm being. And that's a very nasty, disgusting thing to emulate.
Also...isn't it nice to see things you did over the years as steps in growing more confident, more accomplished, more knowledgeable? Not everyone works in the same way or at the same pace. Each item you list took a hell of a lot of work and speaks to your success. Don't let the comparison game take that away from you. Good scholars build on their knowledge by putting one foot in front of the other (or turning/writing one page after the other!) for a long, long time. And you've already started that journey and have something to show for it! That's exciting!