i think i gave the wrong impression about the food thing. it's not that i'm worried about the fact that i'm eating crap, but rather that i'm inclined not to eat at all. i definitely adhere to the philosophy of eating what my body tells me to eat; if i feel the need to eat crap (er..."comfort food"), i eat it. the thing is, lately my body hasn't been talking to me about food at all. it's as if my body is inclined not to eat, period. but i'm no anorexic, so at some point my brain kicks in and says, "you need calories, you're about to faint. here, eat these crackers." and i eat the crackers and i either don't notice them at all, or i feel annoyed the entire time that i have to eat in order to keep from fainting.
so yeah, it's not about what i'm eating, it's about missing the joy of eating that i used to feel, even if i was just eating something simple and small, or drinking a glass of water.
there are glimmers. last night something interesting and weird happened. i was at the home of a couple i am friends with, and at some point late in the evening a bag of pretzels appeared on the coffee table. i don't recall anyone getting them out, they were just there all of the sudden (i think someone got them while i was in the bathroom). i absentmindedly grabbed a small handful, and suddenly i was like..."wow! these are delicious!" and they were. simple pretzels, that have maybe 4-5 ingredients, but they are absolutely perfect at being pretzels, right?
anyway, that's what i'm talking about. that moment, however brief, however rushed the meal or snack, of completely and absolutely enjoying the act of eating something my body really wants, whether it's a tootsie roll pop, a plate of broccoli and garlic with pasta that i whipped up in a few minutes, or an hour-long $100 meal at lark (http://www.larkseattle.com/) (a very occasional indulgence indeed--it has been over a year, i think, since i've been there).
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Date: 2007-12-31 11:44 pm (UTC)so yeah, it's not about what i'm eating, it's about missing the joy of eating that i used to feel, even if i was just eating something simple and small, or drinking a glass of water.
there are glimmers. last night something interesting and weird happened. i was at the home of a couple i am friends with, and at some point late in the evening a bag of pretzels appeared on the coffee table. i don't recall anyone getting them out, they were just there all of the sudden (i think someone got them while i was in the bathroom). i absentmindedly grabbed a small handful, and suddenly i was like..."wow! these are delicious!" and they were. simple pretzels, that have maybe 4-5 ingredients, but they are absolutely perfect at being pretzels, right?
anyway, that's what i'm talking about. that moment, however brief, however rushed the meal or snack, of completely and absolutely enjoying the act of eating something my body really wants, whether it's a tootsie roll pop, a plate of broccoli and garlic with pasta that i whipped up in a few minutes, or an hour-long $100 meal at lark (http://www.larkseattle.com/) (a very occasional indulgence indeed--it has been over a year, i think, since i've been there).