seven other things

[arguchik]

1. i am starving, yet completely unmotivated to go scrounge up something to eat. partly this is because i know that, unless i go pick up an insanely delicious, messy, and calorie-laden pork sandwich from paseo, whatever i eat for lunch will not be nearly as delicious as the gnocchi i had at il bistro last night. this is making me feel a small twinge of despair, like...what's the point of eating, anyway? the funny thing is that my decision to join glaucon and several of his friends at il bistro was completely impromptu. an accident of buses. but how glad i am, that i went! dear reader, i met jay price, of "jay price originals" fame, who is visiting from arizona and will soon move to the PNW with his family; and i had delicious gnocchi. all's right with the world, except that the gnocchi seems to have ruined eating for me today. eating as concept. eating as experience. do not want.
2. it is my "special woman time" and for some reason today i had trouble getting my diva cup to function properly.
3. today my eldest sister, anne, would have turned 52 (if she hadn't died when she was 29, i mean). as i have noted elsewhere, the numbers for "age when she died" and "years since she died" are approaching each other. to put this more plainly, in a few years she will have been dead for as long as, and then longer than, she lived. i am sickly fascinated with doing this kind of arithmetic, because it strikes me as a profound meditation on the bizarre nature of time (by which i actually do mean that i think doing arithmetic is a profound meditation).
4. despite all of this, i am actually feeling happy at the moment. i'm pretty tired, but i feel relatively content and at peace. the contrast amuses me. hunger, hormones, and old loss gang up on me, yet i feel pretty good.
5. is it redundant to say "small twinge"? are all twinges small?
6. poetry!!! and knitting. all those stitches. you know?
7. kitties are the forces of chaos. when sleeping, they are nap magnets, all curled up and purring like they do.

Comments

[lxbean.livejournal.com]

i know that math a little -- i've used it when thinking about my friend eth, who died some years back. i think it brings a sort of mathematical neatness to things that don't feel emotionally neat.

and yeah, small twinges might be oxymoronic, but fuckit, it sound right and i say that's good enough.