the cat

[arguchik]

i think jester, my cat, has cancer. a few weeks ago i found this weird cluster of lumps in his side, about where i'd expect his right kidney to be. i wasn't working at the time, and couldn't afford to take him to the vet, but i'm going to take him next week. i'm pretty sure i'm right about this, though. the lumps just feel...wrong...to me. like the forces of evil. my dog used to get benign fatty tumors, and those were soft, round, and sort of floaty-feeling. these are hard, irregularly-shaped, and they feel like they are anchored in jester's muscle tissue. there's one main tumor that's pretty big, and several smaller ones kind of radiating out from it. i've been keeping an eye on them, and i think the main one is getting bigger. the odd thing is that he has been putting on weight, probably 3 pounds this summer (he's a squirt of a cat who usually weighs 10-11 pounds, so even a couple of pounds is a lot--i'd estimate that he's up to 14 lbs right now). before i found the tumors, i noticed he was starting to have trouble jumping up on things, and i just attributed it to his weight, but now i'm not so sure. the other night it took him 2-3 tries before he finally clawed his way onto my bed, which stands only about 2.5 feet off the ground. this is a cat who used to be able to jump from the ground and cling to my arm, held out at shoulder-height, while eating a treat out of my hand. he could still do that trick as recently as april or may.

hmm. i guess i'll have to wait and see what the vet says. i'm not sure how i feel about this. those who know me also know that i've had a complicated relationship with this cat over the last few years. he was always more my ex-husband's cat, and in his older age he has become very mouthy and demanding. still, i don't wish him ill. but if i'm right about this, i'm not sure i'll be able to justify putting him through surgery or chemotherapy or whatever (he's almost 15 years old). i'll cross that bridge when i get to it...

Comments

[crash66.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that.
(huggs)

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

thanks--much appreciated.

[costco77.livejournal.com]

a developing thought in my mind...
maybe disease and death come at a time that is right?
If not now, when would be the right time?

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

(((((sigh))))) maybe it's *a* right time...one of many possible? the last couple of years with this cat have been increasingly difficult. but he's been there for like 14 years, so i know it's going to be hard to lose him at the same time as it will be a relief. hard to admit that in a public forum.

i've just had a lot on my emotional plate this summer. i'm ready for some down time, some plain old fun, no tension, no stress, no pressure for a, b, c, or d...ya know?