musings

[arguchik]

haven't been here much lately. i've been posting to my knitting blog slightly more often, but basically...nothing much is going on with me these days. life is on a fairly even keel, though it's not a kind of evenness i would necessarily prefer. i feel like i'm in a holding pattern, waiting for something to happen rather than making anything happen.

this morning i'm enjoying the vision of a snow-covered seattle landscape as i munch my vegemite toast and wait for my coffee to be ready to press. it is beautiful, but i feel separate from it somehow.

i've just got to keep plugging away. i've never been good at the lonely long haul, and that's what i'm into these days. it's hard to trust that the work i'm doing now will bring me anything worthwhile, or that i will have anything worthwhile to offer at the other end.

in catholicism, suicide is a mortal sin. it was explained to me once...maybe in my dante class back at UVM...that the act of suicide itself isn't the true seat of the sin; it's the despair that subtends the act, because despair bespeaks a profound loss of faith in god.

well, i don't believe in god; and i'm not suicidal or anything. i'm just feeling a loss/lack of faith, lately, and i'm not sure how to restore it.

Comments

[wondrousbeauty.livejournal.com]

I was so stunned when I read this, because it so accurately described what I was feeling yesterday, and what I woke up feeling today. I, too, have been questioning whether not what I'm doing will yield any returns, and I have also been struggling to hold on to faith. The snow makes everything look colorless and bland today. I'm trying to keep a fire burning inside myself that is hardly kindled and everything seems to want to extinguish it.

Oh, well. Some days living is just getting past each moment, I guess. Better times will come.

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

Oh, well. Some days living is just getting past each moment, I guess. Better times will come.

it is helpful to hear this. i used to have this faith, and it's like...i set it down somewhere and now i can't remember where.

[gushgush.livejournal.com]

I think that just the fact that you're trying to rekindle your faith indicates that it's on it's way back into the forefront of your life.
No, of course I don't mean religious faith, I mean just the common, everyday enjoyment-of-life-type faith. Gratitude can be the foundation of such a renewal and gratitude can be found everywhere.
/preaching

Nice navel, btw.