arguchik | ennui

i'm back from portland (hillsboro, actually), where

glaucon and i spent the weekend. we had a great time--it was my kind of mini-vacation, with very little prior planning and lots of spur of the moment stuff that turned out to be interesting and refreshing and fun, including a tram ride, a visit to the coast, and interesting conversations. we also watched benny and joon, which i had never seen before.

unfortunately, i came down with a bug while there--the same one that

glaucon,

evernanon, and doug all caught at various times. it's making my throat sore, my brain weary, and my legs stationary. all i want to do is sleep and drink hot tea. it's amplifying my usual travel-induced disorientation. i feel as if i'm apart from the world, a little pocket of consciousness and potential energy that watches and perceives but doesn't affect the flow of the world. i need to re-figure out how to convert my potential energy into kinetic energy. i have figured this out before. why is it so hard this time?

edited to add: obviously in those last couple of sentences, i have slipped from talking about today and my travel-induced lethargic state, to talking about my general mood of late...sorry about the confusion. there is a travel-induced component to this mood, and it is a form of disorientation, but there is also an underlying ennui that has been a constant hum in my mind and my heart for the last year and a half or so. that's the thing i'm finding it hard to kick, not the travel-induced thing, which i know from experience will fade on its own in a day or two--basically as soon as i have unpacked my bag and put everything away.