I'm Back...

[arguchik]

For real this time, I hope.

Things have been happening this year, like whoa.

I moved. I've been teaching full-time. My car got totaled.

Now my heart is waking up.

There's something about being in a not-quite-happy but not-quite-unhappy relationship with someone I love and really wish I could stay with but know that I can't, that makes my heart go quiet. It's self-protective. It's not a good thing.

Now it feels like blood seeping into a numb limb. Pins and needles.

It's not a bad thing, even though it's a sad thing. It's a painful thing. It's also a beautiful thing.

Blocks are digital, for me. I suspect for everyone. On or off. When I block what I don't want to feel, know, or admit out loud, nothing else gets in or out either.

I think many of us wish, at some point, that we could selectively filter our lives. Keep the happy and fun, toss the angry and sad, buckle down, straighten up, fly right, be true, et voilà: A Good Life, Well Lived.

It's how the story is supposed to go. Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative.

Don't mess with Mr. In-between.

As if that were a real choice. Possible. Desirable.

Bullshit.

It's all or nothing. Mr. In-between is the only one there is.

Comments

[ms-violet.livejournal.com]

I love you so much.

I'm glad you're here. Sing out. Make filters if you have to.

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

I love you too. <3

I hope there's no need to filter. This is just...adjusting to the new state of things. It's also one aspect of my contribution both to why things weren't working, and to why we didn't make this decision sooner. It's never constructive, to put one's heart on mute.

[ms-violet.livejournal.com]

It's never constructive, to put one's heart on mute.

TRUEFACT.