online dating grrrr

[arguchik]

all i've got to say is, i'm very *off* online dating. permanently. makes me feel like a commodified piece of meat. (which i'm not, in case you were wondering.)

i have done it off and on for the last couple of years, and in almost every case (with one exception) it has led to the weirdest, fakest, most annoying interactions. you get more dates, it's true, but more often than not (in my experience) they turn icky. and it happens really quickly and somewhat inexplicably. i think the online dating format intensifies the commodified, meat market aspect of the dating scene. or maybe it's just me. yes...that actually makes some sense, because in the "real world" i avoid meat market scenes like the plague--i HATE them! so the online dating scene could just be a virtual meat market, no better or worse than a "real" meat market. it just seems inordinately bad to me because i'm not used to meat markets, and i don't understand the social codes people use in them. hmmm. no...i understand the codes, they just gross me out and i don't want to use them.

either way, i'm not going to do it anymore. (i know, i have made this pledge before, but this time i mean it. a very recent experience has sealed it.)

Comments

[c-bee.livejournal.com]

i always wondered about online dating....i think this post reaffirms how uninterested i am in it, it's still quite amusing. my friend used to work at a bar in fremont that hosted a lot of "speed dating" events. i'd go, sit at the bar while my friend served me drinks, and we'd both get a kick out of watching the madness. then, when they would pause for a break, we'd chat with the nearest person about what they were doing there. oh man, it's so entertaining to observe!

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

oh that has to be the ballroom. am i right, am i right? i used to live about a block from there, and on friday and saturday nights when i was done studying i would take my dog out for a walk...walking past the ballroom...never have i seen crowds that i wanted to socialize with *less*. even my dog sped up. it's funny, because the crowd at the ballroom on other nights always seemed pretty normal, but on weekends...zow!

[(Anonymous)]

nope, it was Blue C Sushi in Fremont.....it was so silly! i didn't know they did it at the ballroom.

[c-bee.livejournal.com]

oops, that was from me.

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

i don't know if they do speed dating at the ballroom or not, i just meant that it's a meat market on weekends.

so you saw speed dating at a sushi place? weird... yeah, it doesn't sound like my kind of thing, but i can imagine it was funny to watch.

[wondrousbeauty.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I recently put up a profile on an online dating site kind of on a fluke (my friend was on a radio show promoting a particular site and this got me curious). I've met a couple of really nice guys and have started to like this one guy (fourth date with him tomorrow night, in fact). It's not hard for me to meet men or get dates offline, so if you asked me why I did it I couldn't tell you besides curiosity--the kinds of conversations that go on in these circles intrigue me. I've gotten a couple of stupid "hey, sexy" notes, but mostly it's been ok--totally not the meat market experience. Maybe it is the site I'm using?

We should chat about this sometime :)

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

i would definitely be interested in hearing about your experiences.

i sometimes think the *size* of online dating databases (literally thousands of people) triggers a consumerist attitude in many people, a "shopping" mentality that carries over to the first several dates. it's really easy to go back online and do a new search, so there's no reason *not* to just throw someone away as soon as they fail to meet one of the items on a list of desired "features." that's the experience i've had, anyway. i'm glad your experience has been different--i know other people who have had better experiences too, so maybe it is just the service i have used. i also wonder if the difference in our ages--thus (probably) in the ages of the guys we're meeting up with--might be a factor in our different experiences.