![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i've been meaning to post about this for a few days. last week i did "major paper" conferences with my students. one of them works at a tutoring center on campus, and there are apparently a few graduate students from my department who also work there. they asked my student who his instructor is, and when he told them, they responded, "oh, she's hard core!" i was kind of puzzled by this description... i asked my student to name names, but alas, he didn't remember any names. so i have no names, thus no way to contextualize the remark.
i wonder what they meant, my unnamed colleagues? most likely it was a reference to my union organizing activities, but it's hard to say. might i be perceived as "hard core" in some other way? i suppose...politically...depending on how loquacious i happen to be feeling on the subject at a particular moment, or at a particular gathering. i tend not to talk about politics much, most of the time. i mean, i'm not secretive about my politics at all, but i don't like to go on and on about it unless provoked--but if provoked, all bets are off. along with the gloves. i've gone through so many different phases, politically, that i am uncomfortable with the possibility of coming across as dogmatic and/or self-righteous. especially since i know that i do come across that way sometimes, despite my intentions. (that's one conflicted aquarius talking, there...) i also don't want to impose on someone else the narrative my process of coming to my current political position(s) has taken. you know, that whole "i used to feel that way too. just wait until you've seen X or experienced Y or had to contend with Z. then you'll see it my way," older/wiser BS. i used to hate it when my older siblings pulled that crap on me. (sorry, J & B, if you're reading this. but it's true, i did hate it.) like because F, G, or H happened to them when they were 13 or 17 or 25, it will necessarily happen to me at the same age, in the same way, and i will have the same feelings about it, and it will have the same formative influence on me. different people follow different paths at different rates and in different directions, moving through a different series of temporary destinations along the way.
LOL. it's kind of an ego boost, though, because for several months now i have felt anything BUT hard core. on another level it feels too out of joint with my own self-perception, so it makes me feel dishonest, like i'm misleading someone, somewhere, somehow. false advertising.
repuations are funny. i'm almost always startled by mine.
p.s. found a copy of TFF's songs from the big chair, the deluxe edition, the other day. i paid way too much, but fuck it. some of the bonus tracks are pretty cool to have. heh. is this music compatible with one who has been described as "hard core"? whatever. but this much is certain: i should get better speakers through which to play it. i'm missing too much of the bass line.
(what is it about music?)
i wonder what they meant, my unnamed colleagues? most likely it was a reference to my union organizing activities, but it's hard to say. might i be perceived as "hard core" in some other way? i suppose...politically...depending on how loquacious i happen to be feeling on the subject at a particular moment, or at a particular gathering. i tend not to talk about politics much, most of the time. i mean, i'm not secretive about my politics at all, but i don't like to go on and on about it unless provoked--but if provoked, all bets are off. along with the gloves. i've gone through so many different phases, politically, that i am uncomfortable with the possibility of coming across as dogmatic and/or self-righteous. especially since i know that i do come across that way sometimes, despite my intentions. (that's one conflicted aquarius talking, there...) i also don't want to impose on someone else the narrative my process of coming to my current political position(s) has taken. you know, that whole "i used to feel that way too. just wait until you've seen X or experienced Y or had to contend with Z. then you'll see it my way," older/wiser BS. i used to hate it when my older siblings pulled that crap on me. (sorry, J & B, if you're reading this. but it's true, i did hate it.) like because F, G, or H happened to them when they were 13 or 17 or 25, it will necessarily happen to me at the same age, in the same way, and i will have the same feelings about it, and it will have the same formative influence on me. different people follow different paths at different rates and in different directions, moving through a different series of temporary destinations along the way.
LOL. it's kind of an ego boost, though, because for several months now i have felt anything BUT hard core. on another level it feels too out of joint with my own self-perception, so it makes me feel dishonest, like i'm misleading someone, somewhere, somehow. false advertising.
repuations are funny. i'm almost always startled by mine.
p.s. found a copy of TFF's songs from the big chair, the deluxe edition, the other day. i paid way too much, but fuck it. some of the bonus tracks are pretty cool to have. heh. is this music compatible with one who has been described as "hard core"? whatever. but this much is certain: i should get better speakers through which to play it. i'm missing too much of the bass line.
(what is it about music?)
Tags:
