eat light:

ugh. polishing up my CV and other application materials. i suck. i don't belong in academia.

/self-denigration

seriously, i HATE putting together application materials--it makes me feel hopelessly inadequate under the best of circumstances. but when i look at my academic work over the last 3 years, all neatly bullet-pointed in my CV, it looks like a wasteland of missed opportunities, lack of initiative, and time spent doing other things. these "other things" were not necessarily time-wasters: i have put a lot of time into organizing my union local over the last 5+ years (i've been centrally involved for most of that time); last year i worked 2 jobs during winter quarter, then spent several months doing union organizing work in california; the previous summer i spent a month in michigan taking care of my mother when she had back surgery. my dog died. my dad started having mini-strokes (the first one also resulted in a severe concussion). my cat died. broke up with a couple of different boys. had my appendix out, with ensuing and ongoing drama.

excuses^3.

but jeez, my CV is producing self-confidence quakes that would pin a seismometer needle. how do i turn this discouragement, disappointment, and self-denigration around, into motivation and the impetus to go out and "do" academic work again? how do i talk myself out of throwing in the towel, and into tossing my hat into the ring, for the various academic appointments i want to apply for? (quick, call the cliche police...)

is it too late for me? have i wasted my chance at an academic career?